Preemptive Federal Administrative Ruling

[AP-BHO Newswire] In a move sure to be controversial, especially across South Florida’s Latin communities, a Department of Justice Civil Rights Division ruling has issued a list of songs which have been deemed insufficiently deferential to the nation’s first African-American president. Most prominent among the banned songs is ‘Mami, que sera lo que quiere el negro.’ The song has long been a staple of Latin music. Whenever it or Caballo Viejo is played at weddings or interminable house parties, it serves as a clarion call for all to head to the dance floor. Even the rhythmically-challenged enjoy the song because the crowded dance floor it inevitably generates is seen as a great eraser of missteps and outright kicks [don’t ask me how I know this].

In total, there were 374 songs banned along with a brief description of why the ban was deemed necessary. The ruling ran over 700 pages long. The banned list was the product of a diverse committee whose 83 members included Prince, Jane Fonda, 50 Cent(s), a grandmother member of the Mexican Zapatista guerrilla movement, former The View host Star Jones and Alan Alda.

Explanations given for the banned songs:

• Mami, que sera lo que quiere el negro [Mother, what could that black man want] – The committee felt that the lyrics would serve as a constant reminder of Obama’s race and foster unnecessary distrust. Committee Chairmen Eric Holder, noted that ‘this special period requires special measures.’

• Caballo Viejo [Old Horse] – The use of the horse imagery as a psychosexual symbol of a sexually agressive black male preying upon supposedly unwilling Caucasian women represents an ugly period in American history. The Obama administration is committed to change in this area particularly.