You thought you’d found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace
U2, Beautiful Day

Venezuelan socialist authorities are learning that their incompetence knows no earthly limitations.  Party loyalists whom were entrusted with the task of embalming their favorite dictator were, to put it mildly, ill-prepared.

A recent surprise visit to check on their progress led to a rather nauseous and messy discovery.

After the flood all the colours came out …

It turns out that it matters a great deal that the arterial and cavity embalming steps not be combined to save time when too much time is spent on grooming.  It turned out to a very “big deal” that the embalming fluids of formaldehyde and methanol not be replaced with a generic industrial strength household cleaner.

You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you …

Critics were quick to point out that this was the same crowd who violated the first rule of petro-dictatorships.  Don’t run your petroleum production into the ground.  Speaking of the ground, attempts to literally bury this problem were put on hold as government officials turned, as a last gasp, to competence.

You’re out of luck and the reason that you had to care …

In an effort to save their carcass, the boys from Caracas reached all the way to Ireland.  Acknowledged as the LeBron Jamesians of embalming, the 2 Dead Crew were brought in to attempt to undo the damage.  Project leader Paddy Downs, indicated that while this was obviously their highest profile case, it was not close to being their most challenging.

Touch me, take me to that other place …

That distinction came five years ago amidst the monsoons of Southeast Asia.  2 Dead Crew were able to restore the body of a wealthy Saudi prince–who came to be affectionately referred to as the Sultan of Swath–whose body had been incorrectly labeled during an inventory and had been shipped out with cargo used to construct the first Goony Golf course in Brunei.  ‘Those terrible rains,’ Paddy added wistfully, ‘saved an afterlife for a change.’

You don’t need it now, you don’t need it now …

The complete lyrics to Beautiful Day are copied at the end, my friend, the end.

Artist & Composer – U2

The heart is a bloom, shoots up through stony ground
But there’s no room, no space to rent in this town
You’re out of luck and the reason that you had to care,
The traffic is stuck and you’re not moving anywhere.
You thought you’d found a friend to take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand in return for grace

It’s a beautiful day, the sky falls
And you feel like it’s a beautiful day
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

You’re on the road but you’ve got no destination
You’re in the mud, in the maze of her imagination
You love this town even if it doesn’t ring true
You’ve been all over and it’s been all over you

It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
It’s a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

Touch me, take me to that other place
Teach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case

See the world in green and blue
See China right in front of you
See the canyons broken by cloud
See the tuna fleets clearing the sea out
See the bedouin fires at night
See the oil fields at first light
See the bird with a leaf in her mouth
After the flood all the colours came out
It was a beautiful day
A beautiful day
Don’t let it get away

Touch me, take me to that other place
Reach me, I know I’m not a hopeless case

What you don’t have you don’t need it now
What you don’t know you can feel it somehow
What you don’t have you don’t need it now
You don’t need it now, you don’t need it now
Beautiful day