Abuelo’s ALF Spells Trouble for Cuban Goverment

Recently, a Cuban government ministry [i.e. the Castros] issued a comically ungrateful statement bemoaning the fact that the recent Obama administration loosening of travel restrictions did not go far enough.

It made me wonder what a Cuban government official would say if they could speak with impunity.

Do you think your statement will have an effect?
No, but it gives our compañeros in the press an excuse to repeat our appeals.

Is pleading for compassion for a such miserably failed state really in your best interests at this point?
Clearly it may have reached its limits, but we are all grateful for the work. If you would of heard of some of the ideas we rejected, perhaps you would understand why we do what we do.

OK I’ll bite, like what?
We have studies which show that Cuban-Americans getting Federal aid through Medicaid are only sending us 19% of their net remittances. That number was in the mid 20’s just a few years ago. We believe they can and should do better.

Why haven’t they been as generous?
Frankly, the trend towards the use of ALF’s–not this kind–has been a serious blow to the Revolution’s financial planning. We hope to see some improvement by the so-called death panels. The end of life spending is just out of control.

What will you do now?
Our options are limited, once a patient is accepted ….

No, I meant the Cuban government.
Well my mandate is to get the remittance number into the 30’s.

Does not seem terribly realistic.
I view it as my personal sugar harvest quota. Look, no one likes to say it, but given the realities of the shift in Congress, a tragic humanitarian event is our best chance to move the needle on this issue.

Like a hurricane?
Yeah, but we’re not even in season. Then again, I was sure in 2008 that Hurricane Ike was our meal ticket. That’s one of the negative side effects of being part of such a lengthy revolution, all our assumptions get to play themselves out. It’s been a problem truthfully.

That was impressive. You just described the government’s ongoing abject failure in neutral terms.
Like Allen Iverson says, practice, practice, practice. In Castro’s Cuba, progress is exclusive to the future.

Seriously, no Plan B.
Hey this is a 50 year old regime. The Mouse That Roared wasn’t just a movie to us, it represented a plan. We’ve been propped up by countries in four continents and outsourced to a fifth — we hate the cold and Australians.

Plan B? We’re on plan Omega brother.

About Jorge Costales

- Cuban Exile [veni] - Raised in Miami [vidi] - American Citizen [vici]
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3 Responses to Abuelo’s ALF Spells Trouble for Cuban Goverment

  1. Luis says:

    So they eased travel restrictions to Cuba…. well, lets go to Havana and read the following out loud and often:
    “Sostenemos que estas Verdades son evidentes en sí mismas: que todos los Hombres son creados iguales, que su Creador los ha dotado de ciertos Derechos inalienables, que entre ellos se encuentran la Vida, la Libertad y la Búsqueda de la Felicidad. Que para asegurar estos Derechos se instituyen Gobiernos entre los Hombres, los cuales derivan sus Poderes legítimos del Consentimiento de los Gobernados; que el Pueblo tiene el derecho de cambiar o abolir cualquier otra Forma de Gobierno que tienda a destruir estos Propósitos, y de instituir un nuevo Gobierno, Fundado en tales Principios, y de organizar sus Poderes en tal Forma que la realización de su Seguridad y Felicidad sean más viables. La Prudencia ciertamente aconsejará que Gobiernos establecidos por bastante tiempo no sean cambiados por Causas triviales y efímeras; y como toda Experiencia lo ha demostrado, la Humanidad está más dispuesta al sufrimiento mientras el Mal sea soportable, que al derecho propio de abolir las Formas a las que se ha acostumbrado. Pero cuando una larga Sucesión de Abusos y Usurpaciones, todos ellos encaminados de manera invariable hacia el mismo Objetivo, revelan la Intención de someter a dicho Pueblo al absoluto Despotismo, es su Derecho, es su Deber, derrocar a tal Gobierno y nombrar nuevos Guardianes de su futura Seguridad. Tal ha sido el paciente Sufrimiento de estas Colonias; y tal es hoy la Necesidad que las obliga a modificar sus anteriores Sistemas de Gobierno. La Crónica del actual Rey de Gran Bretaña es una Crónica de repetidas Injurias y Usurpaciones, todas ellas dirigidas al Establecimiento de una Tiranía absoluta sobre estos Estados. Para probar esto, expongamos los Hechos a un Mundo sincero.”

  2. Jorge Costales says:

    Thanks Luis.

    I gotta ask if that is a formal prayer. I could not recognize, no doubt due to a combination of a lack of Spanish & prayers knowledge my part.

  3. Jorge Costales says:

    Turns out that Luis gave us the Declaration of Independence in Spanish.

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