Seal Not The Same — U2 fans Go Clubbing

Enraged U2 Fans Protest Supposed Ticket Snafu

[AP-BHO Newswire] — Ontario Canada

For U2 fans arriving at Ticket Master offices in Ontario, it was a not so beautiful day. Not when they were notified that their concert tickets had been ‘upgraded’ to Seal concert tickets instead. What followed after can either be considered a testament to the intensity of the band’s fans or an appalling example of an overreaction, especially to marine mammal lovers.

Here is what is known to date, based on the company’s press release and off-the-record interviews with some employees. While printing out the the U2 concert tickets last week, Ticket Master ran run out of recycled paper and had to stop the printing, as per mandates based on Copenhagen guidelines. At that point, a faction of new employees, all apparently formerly employed with ACORN — the organization which helped elect Barak Obama and which are rumored to be in Canada to avoid prosecution in the U.S. — began contacting local community activists to determine why they were not being allowed to print concert tickets for non-white artists. What followed next is not clear. Either a lower-level executive panicked or the ACORN-istas acted on their own, either way, the U2 tickets were ‘upgraded’ to a Seal concert event when the printing resumed.

The response from U2 fans was swift and entirely within the Canadian Marine Mammal Regulations pursuant to Seal Hunts, in that “only high-powered rifles, shotguns firing slugs, clubs or hakapiks” were used in the ongoing protest. The protesters threatened, and have delivered, a dead adult seal every day to the Ticket Master offices until they are given the U2 tickets they actually purchased.

Ticket Master officials are meeting to determine how to respond. Initial efforts to placate the U2 protesters with free flash drives which contained non-restricted MP3’s of Seal’s hit single “Kiss from a Rose” were unsuccessful. The protesters responded by blasting a little known U2 tune through their car stereos, ‘Happiness Is A Warm Gun‘ and by attaching a note containing a lyric from that song, “I need a fix cause I’m going down” to the 2 seals delivered since then.

About Jorge Costales

- Cuban Exile [veni] - Raised in Miami [vidi] - American Citizen [vici]
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