President Obama declared that he “has the blood of Africa within” him. This raises a number of troubling, but interesting, questions. How can he differentiate the plasma running through him? Is that part of his specialness or just a gift which most bi-racial or bi-cultural or bifurcating people are born with? Or is this something they test presidents for specifically? Is this a thinly veined slap in the face of those who have had blood transfusions, since they are ignorant as to the origins of their blood? Does he have the blood of Islam running in him as well? Does it hurt? Is it too much blood for one man to bear, even Obama?

My parents and I were born in Cuba and I forcibly exiled [with retroactive assent] at the age of 2. I became a proud US citizen in time to vote for Ronald Reagan in the Republican primary of 1980. Since then, as a O negative blood type, I have given blood on average at least twice a year. The tally of the blood my body has had to reproduce as as an American citizen must be over 50 pints. The average male human body holds about ten pints of blood. Is the blood of the Caribbean which initially ran through me gone forever? Or does some blood not circulate as readily, sticking to certain areas or arteries like mayonnaise to the round part near the top of the jar which cannot be reached with a knife? Is this why my wife thinks I need an EKG? Could a good frijoles diet bring it back?

But enough about me. Can Obama sense when his Kansas blood is trying to take the lead? Can he will it back to a secondary role? Does he fear black people when that happens. Does he regret criticizing his Grandmother for electoral benefits when his own K-blood is ascendant? Which Continent’s blood typically doesn’t boil? Can Michelle tell what kind of bloody mood he’s in? Is he literally paler on those occasions? Deep down, is he afraid of Michael Jackson comparisons at that point?

Can Obama have cleverly stumbled upon a new ad campaign to encourage blood donations? Say someone has Spanish blood, but wish to be rid of it, to protest Alberto Contador’s attack on Lance Armstrong at the end of the 7th stage of the Tour de France. Could Blood Banks pretend to assure that person that they would only withdraw that Spanish blood? Who could prove otherwise?

It is so much fun having a transformational leader as president. The possibilities — like his need to speak in somber tones in front of people who aren’t really listening, but just thinking, ‘holy shit, that black guy is the President of the United States!’ — are endless.