Dateline: January 2, 2010 – Las Vegas, NV
[AP-BHO] President Obama addressed an adoring throng of approximately 1.5 million Americans yesterday in the outskirts of Las Vegas and urged them; to keep hope alive, to bring change to America, to realize that they were the change, but not to change [their voting patterns] since, ‘we are so close.’ The unusually large crowd was made even more conspicuous by the fact that they were sitting in the desert wearing cloth vestments [the Common Era look].
The spectacular event was almost marred when a San Diego accountant yelled out, “Brother we’re behind you, just do something already.” The president’s security team had to move in quickly as the crowd itself had turned on the man and began stoning him. The man was later asked that if by referring to the president as, ‘Brother,’ he meant to imply that he was black. He replied, ‘of course not, isn’t he though?’
When Obama realized that the man was being attacked, he raised his hands, which froze the throng immediately. Instantly grasping the parallels to the biblical story, he told the crowd, ‘as one who came before me once said, in granted what were less complicated and dangerous times, let he who is without sin …” Nothing further was heard as the crowd began chanting, ‘yes we can’ for the next 3 hours and 12 minutes. Some who stopped chanting after only one hour, were beaten [although not about the face] by the more enthusiastic members of the crowd.
It reminded all there of the political skill which earned Obama an unprecedented 49 state sweep in the general election. Alabama, you will recall, actually voted for McCain but it’s electoral voters refused to cast their ballots for McCain and boycotted the College. Instead the Alabama electors held a one-day symposium on the sins of slavery outside the home of former NBA great, Charles Barkley. In a scene reminiscent of the movie Babe: Pig in the City, persons suspected of past Republican voting were ‘asked’ to parade past union halls across Alabama and ask for forgiveness. One repentant McCain voter’s shame went so far as to cause him to attempt suicide by swallowing a print-out of the state’s voting tabulation report, but was saved by a nearby Obama precinct captain.
[Editor’s note: In the interest of full disclosure, the reporter who filed this story voted for Obama and donated 6% of her after-tax tax home pay to his campaign, but has assured us that it will not affect her reporting].
I don’t think even my family would believe this one. I wrote the post above yesterday and then I found a similar kind [i.e. except funnier and well written etc] of satire about Obama linked on on one of my favorite local blogs, Babalu – July 25