The Pinto Chronicles: Griping about PLIQ wrath

I have a dilemma. I possess knowledge about a certain group of people who have a condition which they may be unaware of. While I assume they may ‘suffer’ from this condition, it is not obvious they would would choose to combat it were they to become aware of it. The group I speak of is Purposely Low-IQ [PLIQ] baseball fans.

As I had noted in an earlier post [click here], Renyel Pinto is one of their favorite local targets. PLIQ’s are typically extremely easy to identify. Any failed appearance by a relief pitcher will likely trigger an episode.

The easy and gut level reaction is to just confront PLIQ’s and methodically and mercilessly poke holes in their baseball knowledge, as it were. But what if I would just be ruining a rare and simple pleasure in their lives. [Actually, all their pleasures are likely simple]. Where’s the honor in that?

Here’s where dreams and a working knowledge of 24 can be useful.

The following takes place between 8:35 am and 8:37 am outside a McDonald’s in Miami-Dade County. Events occur in real time.

Jack Bauer – Sabermetrics Division: You criticized Renyel Pinto last night didn’t you?
PLIQ Fan Martinez: Who are you? How do you know that?
Jack Bauer – Sabermetrics Division: Sir, you DO NOT want to play with me?
PLIQ Fan Martinez: OK, jeez
Jack Bauer – Sabermetrics Division: Why did you criticize Renyel Pinto?
PLIQ Fan Martinez: He was brought in to face one guy and he hit hit that guy and cost the Marlins the game OK.
Jack Bauer – Sabermetrics Division: You really think life is that simple son.
PLIQ Fan Martinez: Hey, I gotta go. I was late twice last …
Jack Bauer – Sabermetrics Division: Son, we live in a world that has lefty-righty matchups, and those matchups have to be managed by men with no real job security. Who’s gonna do it? You casual fan Martinez? [Comments now directed to crowd gathering to listen to the exchange]. You chronic sports radio show caller? You Mr. Anonymous profanity-laced blog post commenter? Middle relievers have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for the complete game and you curse the lefty-righty matchups. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know — that Pinto’s appearance, while tragic, probably saved runs; and the existence of lefty-righty matchups, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves runs.
PLIQ Fan Martinez: Look man, if you’re related to Pinto, my bad OK?
Jack Bauer – Sabermetrics Division: Son, do you even know what a WHIP represents? How about P/PA?
PLIQ Fan Martinez: Whatever, look I’m more of a Dolphin fan. Football’s my sport.
Jack Bauer – Sabermetrics Division: [Shaking his head] Classic PLIQ profile. Take care and remember; like some whacked out Tom Joad, I’ll always be listening.

Tom Joad’s monologue is copied in full at end of post.

Tom Joad monologue:

After becoming idealistically radicalized by what he has witnessed, Tom – in a famous monologue – describes how he will carry on Casy’s mission in the world – by fighting for social reform. Going off to seek a new world in a place unknown, he must leave his family to join the unspecified movement (“the one big soul”) committed to struggling for social justice. In a more optimistic ending than the one in the novel, he has benefited from Casy’s wisdom about the sanctity of all life, and a belief in universal love which comes from respecting all of humanity. He also has intelligently realized the unified power of working people speaking up for their rights – a revolution that people must adjust to:

Well, maybe it’s like Casy says. A fella ain’t got a soul of his own, just a little piece of a big soul – the one big soul that belongs to ever’body. Then…then, it don’t matter. I’ll be all around in the dark. I’ll be ever’-where – wherever you can look. Wherever there’s a fight so hungry people can eat, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a cop beatin’ up a guy, I’ll be there. I’ll be in the way guys yell when they’re mad – I’ll be in the way kids laugh when they’re hungry an’ they know supper’s ready. An’ when the people are eatin’ the stuff they raise, and livin’ in the houses they build – I’ll be there, too.

About Jorge Costales

- Cuban Exile [veni] - Raised in Miami [vidi] - American Citizen [vici]
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